How To Majestically Screw Up Your University Years
Your study and career should not be about the life you want to create for yourself. It should definitely not lead to the activities that fulfill you, that bring you joy, mentally challenge you and provide you with a living as a result.
Screw up your university years hard by following these 7 tips. The more of these bullet points you implement in your life, the better.
- Blindly choose a study program based on what your parents tell you to do. Especially if you hate their proposal and you’re not even slightly interested in what they want you to do. It’s your moral obligation to let them live out their own broken childhood dreams, through you as their puppet!
- Or pick a course purely for the fancy title you’ll receive at the end, ideally one where you collect tons and tons of student debt that will suffocate you mentally and financially for years to come. Oh, the sacrifices we make for status symbols... Ideally this course takes years longer than a “regular” four-year program. Let’s follow the doctor’s or engineer’s path. Your parents will love it! They’ll finally be able to brag about their beloved child studying to become someone useful who contributes to society. More importantly: you’ll impress your Tinder dates. And that’s all that matters.
- You already have your heart set on a specific field? Screw that. Choose the same program your friends choose! You’ll be hating your life, sitting in lecture halls being bored out of your skull because the topics interest your friends, but not you. But that doesn’t matter! At least your high school buddies will be there to lift you up. Not really though; they’re focused on building a career and paying attention in class, as they are interested in the topics that your entire program is centered around.
- Treat your peers and professors like dirt, so they remember that you’re a piece of shit and they’ll never be inclined to help you further down the road. Who needs them anyway? The chances you’ll meet them after university are practically zero in this digital, overly connected world where jobs are passed along on every thinkable Social Media platform. You surely don’t need them to help you out or connect you to that one person you desperately want to be mentored by, or to a contact at this company where you’re applying for your dream job. Nah.
- Don’t spend all your time paying attention in class. You might end up learning something! That is something we want to prevent. Instead, kill your precious brain cells by hitting the town and getting hammered, at least three times a week. It’s a better future investment to build personal relationships with the bouncers of your favourite clubs, so you can skip the queue and get hammered even faster after your last college of the week. Or first. Who cares.
- Hate what you’re studying? Why change majors when you can sit it out, all the way to the end! You’re only wasting away years of your life, but that’s okay! You’ll do something different once you’re done. Let’s ignore the possibility of being completely done with attending classrooms the moment you graduate. That doing something different afterwards? That might never happen.
- Do not make a plan on what to do after graduation. We’ll think about that when we get there. When you do get there and you still have nothing lined up? Oops.
Once you manage to successfully make mistakes, do make sure to make more!
See it like a game. You are the main player and it’s your goal to beat your own high score, infinitely. How high or low will you aim?