Stop Saying “But You Look Fine” When Someone Admits They Go to Therapy

You can’t always see what’s going on from the outside

Image made by author in Procreate

Since mid-2020, I’ve been writing online consistently. As a result, I wrote 250+ pieces and freelanced for 6 different clients.

From the outside, it can look like I have everything sorted out. But I don’t feel like I do.

I feel like I’m just getting started.

I remember the estranged look on a friend’s face after confessing that I had started going to therapy. I didn’t get the understanding or supportive reply I was hoping for.

One therapist even told me during one of our first sessions, “But you look fine.” Maybe, but I want to become even better.

I also imagine this line to feel invalidating.

How should someone even “look” when they come to therapy? What if they’re high-functioning and they manage to shower, show up at sports class, look presentable, and perform well at work every day? Does someone need to wait until they’re homeless, sh*t really hit the fan, and they’re not even in a position to afford services such as mental health care anymore?

How should a patient look? Who dictates how any patient “should” look? You can’t tell how someone’s brain…